No matter what the approach, these sexy come ons will make you laugh and you'll find breaking the ice with a joke isn't as tricky as it seems.The jokes on this page take many forms and are written in different formats.She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'It also features risqué jokes about religion, anorexia - and animal cruelty. I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs. 'I rang up British Telecom, I said, "I want to report a nuisance caller", he said "Not you again".' 14. 'A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!The study was carried out after a panel of eight comic critics voted the holiday joke by Tim Vine (brother of TV presenter Jeremy Vine) the best of this year's Edinburgh Fringe Festival. 'The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. 'A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. 'I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits? The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. ' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.His winning one-liner was: 'I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next! She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me! I'll tell you what, never again.' The joke was later slammed as 'unfunny' on web forums. One Poll.com, the organisation behind the research, said: 'The majority of these jokes are clean and genuinely funny - but a lot are pretty subjective and what one person finds hilarious, someone else may not.''It's nice to see jokes from the greats like Tommy Cooper and Les Dawson are still up there and the ugly baby tale is a worthy winner.''Many of the jokes in the list are fairly timeless and will still be making people chuckle in thirty years or more.'''Tim Vine's Edinburgh Fringe Festival's joke is neither belly-laughing funny nor is it particularly shocking or controversial so it's surprising it was voted the best joke of the festival.'Being able to tell a joke is a fine art and telling a classic joke correctly in a pub full of people can be tricky.' Comedian Tim Vine smashed the world record for most jokes told in an hour with 499, beating the previous record of 362. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. 'I saw this bloke chatting up a cheetah; I thought, "He's trying to pull a fast one". My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked. 'I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'Have you got anything for wind? A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman's ugly baby has been hailed in a survey as the funniest gag ever.Researchers scoured the web and examined more than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 on which 36,000 people voted.
What good lines do you always go to when you spot a hottie across the bar?" The dating app Hinge (it's like Tinder but based more on your Facebook friend group) did some experimenting to find out what kinds of opening messages work best once you've been matched with someone. Normally, on Hinge you're free to use whatever opening line you want — it shows you mutual friends and interests then gives you a blank canvas to write whatever you want. Who says medicine and allied healthcare can’t be fun? Patient: ‘Doctor, I’ve swallowed a spoon.’ Doctor: ‘Sit down and don’t stir.’ Q: What’s the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?Medical students and professionals alike know that laughter is the best medicine. “Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? “I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes.” 5. “There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said ‘Keep off the Grass.'” 9. A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats. ’ If you’d like to enjoy some more medical humor check out our 10 Humerus Jokes for Allied Health Students.